Ian YoungsCulture reporter
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Dan (left) said he felt “completely violated” by fan intrusion into their lives
YouTube double act Dan and Phil have confirmed their relationship after 16 years of fan speculation, ending what they called the “apocalyptic constant stress of the Dan and Phil dating conspiracy”.
Dan Howell and Phil Lester have amassed millions of followers, hosted a BBC Radio 1 show, published best-selling books, and been on world tours.
Many of the British pair’s comedy and gaming videos show them in the house they share, and they separately came out as gay in 2019, but they hadn’t directly spoken about their relationship.
“We fell into it hard and fast in 2009, and here we are almost 16 years later,” Dan said in the new video, telling followers they “can’t live in fear any more”.
They shared the best vlogger prize at the Radio 1 Teen Awards in 2016
The couple spoke about the impact of intrusion and intense speculation from fans, which Dan said “could have killed me”.
He also explained it had taken time to discuss the relationship publicly because of the effects of his “extremely homophobic childhood”, which meant he had been “deep in the closet” for years.
“In my mid 20s I felt we had to hide the relationship because I was still hiding who I was to my friends, family, myself,” he said.
“This is why all of the digging from people online hit a nerve, because Phil was my safe space. You were my first boyfriend… You were a literal ray of light in my life back then.”
Dan & Phil take on Taylor Swift in an art challenge at the Radio 1 Teen Awards in 2013
Dan continued: “And what we had was the most important thing to me and I wanted to protect it, so when other people tried to grab it and drag it into the light, I felt completely violated.
“Having all of these people trying to out us, and being so hostile to me when I tried to hide it, was so triggering. Honestly, it could have killed me.”
Dan added that he felt like someone had put a curse on them, with them achieving huge success “but half the time it’s going to suck for years, wake up in the night with anxiety, you’re going to have panic attacks”.
He said there were times when he thought he might be “happier without all of this”.
“Yeah, [in] 2017 I’m thinking, my solo comedy content is killing it on YouTube, this could just be my life. I could be like every other YouTube boy and just enjoy this without the apocalyptic, constant stress of this Dan and Phil dating conspiracy.”
‘A cycle of never-ending closets’
He said he had decided to make the relationship public after a recent therapy session.
“My therapist said, ‘Dan, you love being in the closet’. And I was like, ‘Excuse me?'”
He continued: “I spent so long not being authentic and being trapped in a situation, that I am comfortable being miserable in an environment where I don’t do the thing that would suddenly make me feel better. I am in a cycle of never-ending closets, and this secret conspiracy is just another thing that I’m trapped inside.”
Phil added that some followers may have already guessed, but making the announcement was “a big scary deal for us, it’s kind of like another mini coming out”.
He acknowledged that the move may attract more homophobia.
“Look, sure, this is a scary time in the world,” Dan replied. “Let’s be real, it feels like things are sliding backwards because the fighting for what was important was going a bit too well.
“But I think that’s why it’s more important than ever that we’re like, ‘You know what? Hey, here we are, gay. And what?'”
‘Happy and relieved’
Their reveal was met with praise and love from longtime fans.
“I just adore you both so much,” wrote one.
Another wrote: “Listen. Not our business. Never been our business. Fully aware it’s parasocial. But after all these years, I’m both very, very happy for you both and feeling a bizarre sense of relief.”
“Thank you for making me feel accepted just as I am throughout the years. I am glad you both feel safe enough to be your authentic selves!” posted someone.
“This is like gay independence day,” said another.
Followers also celebrated what a big part of their lives the pair have been over the years.
“I’ve finished my bachelor’s, master’s, med school, and a PhD by the time they hard-launched their relationship,” wrote one.
“Big day for girls who were on Tumblr from 2012-2015,” said someone else.
“There’s at least 20 people I haven’t spoken to in seven years that I need to call RIGHT NOW,” wrote another.
“I’ve literally had to go outside and have a cigarette,” someone else posted.
